


in case

by sugdensrobert



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2018-12-17 18:44:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11857449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugdensrobert/pseuds/sugdensrobert
Summary: It's been a few months since the break-up, Robert can't cope with being in the village and decides to leave.Aaron is trying to move on, he's over Robert right?Except he's not. Far from it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is somewhat based on Demi Lovato's song In Case.  
> I hope you enjoy it!

Robert had been gone for three month, three whole months and Aaron hadn't heard from him

**

_‘’The baby isn’t Robert’s, how crazy is that man what are you going to do now?’’_

_“Adam this doesn’t change anything”._

_Aaron hadn’t spoken to Robert for quite a while, after he found out about what he did to Lawrence it was clear to Aaron that he didn’t want to be around someone like that. Of course he had learnt about the fact that Rebecca’s baby wasn’t Robert’s, it was Ross’s, it was all over the village. He wasn’t sure how he felt about the fact that Robert hadn’t told him himself, happy, relieved that Robert wasn’t using this as a way to get back with him, well at least not yet?_

_"Why not”._

_“Why not what?’’._

_“Get back with him, bro you are not with it are you?, again, you’ve been like this ever since the break-up, I’d sort it out man honestly”. Aaron scoffed,_

_“Like you have with Vic you mean”._

_“Well we are a different story aren’t we, she doesn’t like me anymore let alone love me, you two? You are besotted with each other even if you are both a bit of a mess”._

 

_Aaron had planned on visiting Robert after work, he wasn’t sure what he would say or do. He wasn’t sure how Robert felt, was he upset or happy that this baby wasn’t his? Aaron had no clue. It was painful to realise that he wasn’t sure what his ex-husband was going through because he used to know Robert inside out, could read him as a book and it was the same the other way around._

_He had knocked on the door, nobody opened the door so he let himself in. Vic was holding a mug and she was staring at the mess around her._

_“I.. nobody opened so I just… what happened here then?”_

_Vic looked at him. “What do you want Aaron” she sighed. “I just wanted to see Robert, see how he’s doing I guess.”_

_“Well you too late aren’t you” she scoffed._

_“What do you mean?”_

_“He’s gone.” “Well I can just wait here, or come back tomorrow, that’s no issue.”_

_“No he is gone as in gone gone, properly as in I’ve lost another brother. He left yesterday evening” Aaron was baffled._

_“Well where to, when is he coming back, he can’t just have left.” He stumbled over his words rushing to get them out, he couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing._

_“That’s exactly what he did Aaron, I am not sure why you are so shocked, I am not blaming you but he didn’t feel like he had anything left here, because I am not enough apparently”. She sounded bitter because that was what she was, she couldn’t believe she lost both her brothers, practically chased out of the village by members of the same family. “He wanted a completely new start.” She had tears in her eyes, “he even left his phone here, so I can’t even contact him he promised to let me know he’s safe but who knows he might be lying.”_

_“He’s not coming back”. Aaron said, it was more a statement than a question._

_“No, he’s going to try and move on.” “After having literally everything he cared about ripped away from him” she whispered. Aaron heart ached. He didn’t really dare ask the next question, he wasn’t sure whether he wanted to know the answer._

_“How was he… when he left?”_

_“Not much different from how he’s been since the breakup” Vic gave him a knowing look. “After he came round to the idea, the baby was something, the only other, good thing in his life, well at least that’s how he saw it. Like I said he didn’t think there was anything here for him anymore.” He was upset of course, but maybe also calm and relieved to be leaving the village._

_Vic knew she should have mentioned it straight away, but she was annoyed by how Aaron suddenly seemed to care for her brother. She knew it was stupid, Robert hurt Aaron badly and Aaron did the right thing for him and his health. She just wanted someone to blame, she felt guilty that she had cared so much about Rebecca, even let her in her house for god’s sake, and she betrayed them all. She knew Aaron loved Robert more than anything, she saw it now. Aaron looked broken, close to crying. She decided to ask him something first. “_

_Why did you come to see Robert?” “I don’t know really, I just wanted to see how he was doing”._

_“Do you think you could have worked it out, in time?” Vic asked. Aaron stared at the ground for a few seconds, gathering his thoughts._

_He couldn’t deny what he was feeling, utter disbelief but at the same time also utter panic at the thought of not seeing Robert again, ever again. The man who made him happier that he ever felt, the man he married, the man who helped him through one of the toughest times in his life. Yes he had hurt him, but he knew how sorry Robert was, how much of a mess he was when Aaron was in prison. He had forgiven him for sleeping with Rebecca. Aaron knew that Robert struggled with his self-worth, always wanting to be strong, not wanting to be a disappointment, blaming himself and being hard on himself for all the times he hurt Aaron. He was worried how Robert really was, mentally. Instinct took over._

_“I don’t know Vic, I love him more than anything so probably yes, but now he’s gone.” He started to get angry at himself, at Robert, at the bloody universe. “I am worried about him I, we need to find him.”_

_Vic closed the space between them, she took Aaron’s hands and said: “Aaron, he cared so much about you, he truly feels that you being away from him is the best, he wants a new start. I am also worried about him but we need to trust him, he went away on his own all these years ago, he’ll be ok. Eventually.”_

_"That’s what I mean.” Aaron needed to stop himself from screaming. “He thinks him being away from everyone who he loves, who love him, is what he deserves, he thinks he doesn’t deserve love. Being sent away by your own dad is bad enough. He shouldn’t have to leave his home twice.” There were now tears streaming down his face._

_“It’s too late now Aaron” She knew it was mean, but everything Aaron said was true wasn’t it?, She didn’t want to worry about her brother but she had no idea how he really was, what state he was in. “You’re too late.”_

_"I know” He cried “But I am going to find him, I have to, if he thinks I can live without him he’s got another thing coming.” “I need him to know that I do love him, and that I am sorry about not showing him that I did think there was a way back for us, because I had always known, when I told him to leave, I knew that one day we would be together again.”_

_Vic hesitated, it was selfish she knew that. Aaron seemed so determined to find Robert, and she wanted nothing more than for Robert to come back to the village and for him and Aaron to be happy, but she promised her brother she would give it to him._

_"Aaron stop, please.”  
_

_What?” Aaron stopped rambling on, and looked at Vic, her eyes full of tears. He felt a wave of worry._

_“I promised to him I would give you this letter, I think it’s supposed to change your mind.” She signed. “He wrote me a letter?! Where you even going to give it to me?”_

_"Yes! I promise, and I promised him”. Aaron shakily took the letter from her. “Do you know what it says?”_

_“No but I think I can guess, you are the only person he left a letter for.” She smiled at him sadly._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it's been a while since I updated, I am hoping to update more regularly!

_Aaron kept the letter in the draw of his nightstand. On his side of the bed. It was everything but easy to sleep in their bed. He thought it would have been hard the first time after Robert’s confession but they had both been so emotionally drained, they had wanted nothing more to sleep in each other’s arms. Aaron knew that Robert was completely messed up that night, he had expected to be kicked out of their home and lose Aaron forever, but the younger man had forgiven him, let him back in their bed. Aaron had never seen Robert like that, he took complete responsibility, was prepared to leave, was prepared to do what was best for Aaron. He wanted nothing more than start afresh the next morning, these were his thoughts while he held Robert close to him, while the older man clung onto him, even when they got off the ground and were in bed._

_The night after, after they had both learnt that there was going to be a baby it had been horrible. Robert slept on the sofa and Aaron couldn’t bring himself to persuade Robert not too._

_The nights without Robert, now they are broken up are horrible. When Aaron feels particularly lonely they remind him of prison, so much so that sometimes he imagines he really is in prison because than at least he could think of going back home to Robert. But he was out, in their bed, but still alone. He remembered telling Adam that he was living in a reality that he didn’t think he would be living in, in a simple sentence that was exactly what he was feeling wasn’t it? He thought he would get out of prison and have a wonderful life with Robert, his husband. He should be in bed with him now, Robert pressing kisses on his temple and stroking his hair._

_He was always missing Robert but tonight he wanted nothing more than feel Robert arms around him, he couldn’t shake off the desire, the sense of loss was worse than normal, he knew it was because of the letter. He opened his draw, knowing it wouldn’t help matters but it still felt like the only thing he could do. He could recite the letter from start to finish but that didn’t stop him from wanting to touch the actual letter while once again going over the words Robert had no doubt chosen so carefully._

 

 

Dear Aaron,

I really hope you are reading this letter although I completely understand if you don’t want to read it.

As you will know by now, I’ve left the village. I would have preferred to just slip away but living with Vic didn’t leave me this option, that’s why I decided to write you this letter because the thought of not being able to say goodbye to the two most important people in my life was unbearable.

I know we can read each other like a book, and that’s why I want to get this out of the way first. I won’t let you blame yourself for any of this. Yes, I am leaving the village because there’s nothing left for me anymore, but that’s on me. I am the one that fucked everything up. You deserve better. You have always deserved better, much better than me. I hope you know this, I want you to know this. You deserve to be happy, you are so strong Aaron, you deserve someone who makes you so happy, and never makes you sad or cry. I know I made you cry so many times, and I am so sorry about this.

I don’t know whether you are missing me, the selfish side of me kind of hopes you are. But if you are please don’t. I don’t deserve it, I should have walked away much sooner, I always mess things up, I wish I could have saved you from the pain that I kept causing. I think this is karma, the long awaited karma. I am also leaving because seeing you, I can’t trust myself to not go after you, I don’t want that for you. Seeing you is also a painful reminder of what I have lost all because of my own stupid mistakes.

You probably think I am being dramatic by even leaving my phone behind. Well, you know me I always like being that bit extra. You probably wouldn’t want to contact me anyway, but now I am not giving you the option, this is better for the both of us, I am sure of it. Also this way Victoria can’t persuade me to come back.

I am aware that I am making decisions for you right now, and I apologise for having done the same thing in the past. But this is the best way. I love you Aaron, I always will. Thank you so much for loving me and letting me love you. I will forever be grateful for the years we got to spend together. Our wedding day was the best day of my life. I am so sorry for all the hurt that I have caused you. I will never forget you and I will always feel lucky about the fact that you were once my husband. Maybe one day we will meet again, and I truly hope you will be happy. You deserve it so much. Please remember that you are the strongest person I know, and anyone who gets to be around you is so so lucky.

Love Robert x

Ps. You won’t want it, but taking it didn’t feel right so I left your ring in my draw in Vic’s spare room.


	3. Chapter 3

_“So are you going to do anything to find him?”_

_“You what?”_

_“Father Christmas.” Liv rolled her eyes, “Robert of course.” Aaron tried to give his sister an annoyed and confused look, it failed. He knew his expression showed more of an upset look upon hearing **his** name.  
_

_“I know about the letter Aaron.” Liv was sick of dancing around simple facts.“You’ve been dwelling on it for the last few days.”_

_It was true. It was two days ago now that he got his husband’s letter from Vic and ever since he got it he had not stopped thinking about it, about Robert words, about the fact that there was no way of replying to him. It had been on his mind constantly._

_“How?” was all he could bring out. He didn’t understand, he only got the letter out in his bedroom (his and Robert’s bedroom) and he kept it in a draw, Liv couldn’t see into his brain, the brain that kept reciting Robert’s words._

_Liv was looking sheepish now “Yesterday, you hadn’t closed your bedroom door properly, and I saw you staring at this piece of paper, and you have been so quiet, well more than usual. I was worried, thought they were divorce papers or something.”_

_The word ‘divorce’ made Aaron wince. “We were never legally married Liv” he said softly._

_“I know but maybe they were legal papers about money or about officially sorting out certain stuff now you have broken up. I quickly saw that it was a letter, when I looked in the draw” She was looking even more sheepish now._

_“Liv.” Aaron looked upset._

_“I didn’t read it I promise, when I saw it was a letter, I kind of knew really, I just wanted to be sure, I put it back when I saw his name, I promise you. I am off to school.” She addes quickly, not wanting to make Aaron even more upset, or even angry.  
_

_Aaron was relieved, he didn’t want his kid sister reading those, Robert’s, private words. Aaron knew that he had always been different to Robert, the older man had been completely different with his (ex)- husband, soft, kind and gentle, nothing like the way everyone else got to see him. Robert had said it enough times, nobody came close. He knew his ex-husband had a hard time dealing with the break-up; not that Aaron was finding it easy, not at all, but he had Adam, his family and Liv. Both men weren’t open about their feelings and emotions, but Robert really only let Aaron in on his thoughts and feelings, after the break-up he had felt like he had no-one and now he had left. Robert loves Vic and Diane, but still thought it was better if he left the village behind._

_In the letter Robert had sounded so defeated, very unlike Aaron knew him, but especially to other people he would come across unrecognisable. He wouldn’t want anyone other than Aaron reading the letter. Aaron also didn’t want his sister to worry about Robert, because admittedly he couldn’t shake the feeling off himself. He didn’t like the thought of Robert being alone, starting again, like all those years ago. Robert never really talked about those years away from the village, but Aaron knew it hadn’t been a good time for him._

_The younger man also felt anger, he wish he could put some sense back into Robert’s head, there really was no reason for him to leave. Robert’s family was here, his business. He grew up in Emmerdale he shouldn’t have to leave. There are so many people in Emmerdale that have been in relationships with each other, they still lived in the same village. Why would they have to be any different? Aaron almost felt his heart twisting. What they had was, and always had been, always will be different but still it wasn’t like Robert **had** to leave. _

_After all they have been through, Aaron felt absolutely sick at the thought of never seeing Robert again._

_He wanted to kick himself, he knew distancing himself from Robert was the right thing to do at the time, it had been what he needed but now he wished that he let Robert know that maybe their relationship didn’t have to be over forever, he wouldn’t have been ready, and there wasn’t a guarantee that it would have worked out, he wouldn’t have given the older man false hope, but at least not giving him the cold shoulder could have kept him here. He knew what it felt like to feel like you deserve everything you get when in reality you don’t and he also knew the feeling of not truly belonging all too well. It was in that moment that he decided that he was going to find Robert. He belonged here._

 

^^

 

_“Liv?” Aaron was biting his lip, he couldn’t decide whether it was a good idea to involve his little sister in all this, but she was going to find out anyway wasn’t she?_

_“What?”_

_“I am going to find him, well try.”_

_“Oh my gosh, I knew it, that’s well romantic you know.”_

_“Liv, there really is nothing romantic about this” Aaron hissed “I just need him to, I don’t know I don’t like the idea of him having to leave, I just want to find him, to at least tell him what I think about this, well this situation.”_

_“Do you still love him?” Of course Aaron still loved Robert, even though he tells everyone he doesn’t, how can he not love him, Robert was his soulmate, the person he thought he would spend the rest of his life with. The thought of Robert alone in the world, made his heart ache unbearably. He wanted Robert to know he didn’t hate him._

_“Yes.”He didn’t trust himself to say more, not that there really was anything else to say._

_“I am going to help you find him, if you want me to.”_

_“Liv, you don’t have to, but-.” He sighed. “I also don’t know how easy it is going to be, I mean I have no idea where he lives, where he works, I don’t have an address, no number.”_

_“Ok" Liv was quiet for a few seconds, cleary deep in thought "but what about an email-adress , he’s a business man, it seems just that bit more extra for him to also change that, so many of his contacts would know to contact him via his email.” Aaron was baffled for a second, how come that Liv suddenly thought of this, it seemed so easy. It wasn’t that Aaron ever emailed Robert, there was never a reason to._

_“I am not sure.. I mean he left Home James, well at least I assumed so.” He was thinking aloud now; he felt almost stupid because he hadn’t thought about this before however he also didn’t want to get his hopes up though. "I’ll go and find Nicola first thing tomorrow, I hardly see Jimmy at the scrapyard anyways nowadays, plus it’s better to ask Nicola, she is always on top of things. I can’t believe I didn’t think about this before.”_

_“Good thing you’ve got me then innit? Listen Aaron I am sure we will find him, or at least find a way to contact him and then you two can sort out whatever needs sorting out.”_

_“I really hope so.” He had never meant anything more before._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been so so long since I've updated this fic I am so sorry! (probably also to do with the fact that I still haven't got much of a clue where I am going with this story lmao) If any of you are still reading this though, I hope you are enjoying it! 
> 
> Hopefully my next update won't take as long :)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I have no idea where I am really going with this fic but please bear with me! :)
> 
> x


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